Ms. Nix in the Mix Posted by: Nicole Cotton
May 13, 2013


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My friend Tam and I were hanging out having lunch when I noticed some older chick lurking from behind the bushes. I started to get out of my chair when she grabbed my hand and told me, “Girl, don’t even trip! I’ve got a bitter chick stalking me. She’s been following me ever since Steve and I have been together.” I turned and looked at her like she was out of her mind.  Now, I’ve had hurt, blank women calling my phone, showing up in places and most recently using social media to try and undermine my relationship, but to have one following me around like the paparazzi, especially, when she has to be at least in her mid to late 40’s was just beyond my comprehension.

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**At 40 women should have reached the level where they are no longer acceptant of disrespectful behavior, have a clear sense of self and self-worth and a level of high, self-esteem that no one or nothing can shake…essentially, you should be so in love with yourself you don’t have time for the blank thinking of others.**

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Tam just kept right on eating, finished her meal, paid our bill (her way of apologizing for the inconvenience of the stalker) walked by the bushes and gave her a wink and a wave. You could see the steam coming from the top of her head….whew!!! She was mad! She wanted to jump on Tam so bad, but the look on my face told her that would not be a wise move – she turned and walked away stomping off to the parking lot. As Tam and I walked to my truck she just shook her head. I asked her why the “old girl” is following her around. She told me she was one of Steve’s old flings and she just couldn’t let go. Tam said the girl saw me for the first time at party they attended and when he introduced her as his girlfriend, the woman lost it. The next thing she knew a few of her friends had seen a post on Facebook and some tweets on Twitter (this is a situation where I have a problem with social media but hey what can you really do to stop it) and she didn’t pay it attention….until….they information started to get a bit more personal. She not only a stalker but she’s cyeeper (cyber peeper)…I told Tam to knock it off and started laughing. She showed me several text messages from her sister, her best friend and even Steve (who by now is so upset he is starting to think “blank” and wants to pull a “blank” move to back her up out of his life**Mix Note: know the person you are bedding**) and while they were not direct messages naming names, she (like some others I’ve seen) took the slick approach and gave just enough detail for people to pick up on what and who she was talking about **Mix Note: I can’t stand someone who tries to be slick, the first sign of maturity is knowing how to deal with difficult people and situations with tack**

 Bitter Image 1

At this point, Tam said she is just waiting for her to make a move. She has tried talking to her, reasoning with her and so has Steve but she believes she is owed something – she wants to know why? Why did he leave her? Why did he choose me? Why am I so important? Why is he still with her? Why he is not coming back? Why, WHy? WHY??!!! I told Tam the why questions are makings of a bitter, blank chick. Until she realizes she may never get the answers and a man is not obligated to give her any – she will remain broken until she stops looking for answers and start working on her. The why questions will drive you crazy and it was obvious by the 40-something lady hanging in the bushes watching us eat a meal.  She could have been somewhere working on herself or hanging with her friends and family…anything…but watching some women have lunch and talk! Who does that? Oh, I guess she did and the sad part is there are so many others who do….all in the name of search for the why.

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The Mix: WOMEN and MEN, MEN and WOMEN stop searching for the why. Why did she leave, why is he in love with her, why is she so special, why is she laughing at him like that? WHY, WHY, WHY!!!! You may not ever get those answers and all you are doing is wasting your time trying to hunt them down. Do you really thinking stalking your ex-lover or their new mate is going to get you any closer to getting what you really feel you want, answers? Ummm, no you end up making yourself look desperate and foolish and often those people around who are encouraging you are behind your back laughing at you like crazy calling you bitter and taking note of your stalker ways….you become a joke! So the best thing to do is let the person who walked out of your life, keep walking and you do what you need to do to get rid of the baggage of the relationship so you can be mentally, emotionally and physically healthy for the next.

Until next time, put this ingredient in your life and keep it in the Mix!!!

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Comment by: Bernard Godwin on September 19, 2017 6:54

Ummmm, so how did all that work out..I'm just a few years later curious. And are you and your friend still friends??  I am an observer of various relationships.  A pet-peeve of mine.  [/&^)

Comment by: Cassidy alan on July 26, 2013 2:57
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